Fear is debilitating. It affects the way we act. It affects the way we think and ultimately, the decisions we make both professionally and personally. Psychologically and physiologically, fear induces stress that often stops people in their tracks. Human stress reaction is also known as the “fight or flight” response; though we should recognize that freezing in place is also a common response. Despite our stressful anguish, we should recognize that fear and stress is not always negative. If it forces you to commit to a vision and action, then it can be a very positive influence. The question is, how do you approach fear from a healthier mindset and what impact does failure to cope with it have on your life?
Some of you “Back to the Future” fans know exactly what the title photo of this post is. For those of you who don’t know… immediately go to Amazon and buy or rent the whole series. What rock have you been living under? ! There are two reasons that I chose this photo for our post. The first is that today is October 21st, 2015; better known as the day Marty went to the future in “Back to the Future II” . The second reason is because I think the success of that film franchise says a lot about us as people. There is a deeper reason that story resonated with so many fans.
People as a species are obsessed with time and unfortunately it’s not something we can bend to our will. Everyone has regrets that they wish they could get a do-over on and everyone ponders the future. Regret and worry are two different emotions, but they are cut from the same cloth of fear. We regret things we’ve said and didn’t say to people we care about. We regret pursuing or not pursuing a business idea or investment. This feeds our self-doubt and ultimately creates a reoccurring pattern of fear where we don’t commit to making a decision or taking action, because our self-confidence is shot. This affects people’s futures because they choose to just do nothing and then the cycle of regret begins all over.
How do we overcome this? I’m no expert, but like you I have experience. I have regrets about the past and worries about the future. There are some steps I’ve identified recently that I think might be helpful to you overcoming these fears and taking massive action to drive your life (perhaps in a DeLorean) to the future you want.
Step 1: Accept the Past and Focus on the Future
Maybe you chose the wrong educational degree and you hate the career path it took you down. Perhaps you made a bad investment once and have lost confidence in your ability to invest in the future. I often hear people who did poorly with a rental property talk about the regrets they had when things went bad. Realize that despite all these negative things that happened, YOU SURVIVED! You’re sitting there breathing and reading this article. Take the negativity surrounding those regrets and consider how you can do things differently in the future. What did you learn from that experience? Learning from mistakes is far more constructive than agonizing over them.
Another aspect of accepting the past and focusing on the future is forgiveness. Forgiveness is not just about forgiving people who wronged you and it’s not about forgetting what happened. It’s about forgiving yourself for your action or inaction. There is a scene in the 1980s movie “Top Gun” where fighter pilot Maverick is suffering from the grief of losing his weapons system officer and close friend, Goose, during an inflight emergency. It makes him unable to perform his duties, because his confidence has been shaken and he feels tremendous guilt. A senior officer, call sign Viper, has the following discussion with him:
The lesson we can learn from that dialogue and Maverick’s eventual ability to forgive himself is that we can analyze the past while not dwelling on it. Dwelling on the past prevents us from performing optimally in the future.
Step 2: Consider What You Want
I have studied hundreds of successful people and have finally come to the conclusion that they all share two basic attributes; they are goal oriented and grateful. The importance of goal setting is pretty obvious and we have written about how to do that in the past. The real difficulty isn’t being oriented towards a goal, but rather deciding what your goal is and what you really, truly want. A lot of people superficially think they know what they want. Everyone wants to hit the lottery, but the truth is many of those winning tickets destroyed lives that were not prepared for the consequences of sudden wealth. Likewise, many of us have the tendency to focus on what we don’t want. I don’t want to lose money investing. I don’t want to end up divorced. I don’t want my business to fail. These are all common thoughts, but ultimately, they are unproductive. The list of things you don’t want is probably MUCH longer than the list of things that you DO want; why take the longer route to the future you’re trying to get to when you could just go direct?
Step 3: Express Gratitude
I mentioned that successful people have two basic attributes and one of them is gratitude. Negative people might say, “Sure, it’s easy to be grateful when you’re successful.” The problem with that thinking is the ignorance of not realizing that gratitude didn’t stem from achieving success. They achieved success because they were grateful. These people were grateful every step of the way. No matter what your financial situation, relationship status, job prospects, or health is… be grateful now for what you have and be grateful for what your future achievement will bring.
How do we express gratitude? You might write it down somewhere, you might think about it in the shower, or maybe you express it through prayer. We can also express it to other people and this is a powerful way of promoting positivity to those around us. Do it however you want, but just make sure you do it every day. One tool you might find useful is a smartphone application called the “5-Minute Journal” . It asks you a series of questions about your day, but in addition to that it asks you to finish the sentence, “I am grateful for…” on three different things. The app can be set up to give you a reminder every day. I don’t use the app every day, but I still get that reminder and it makes me reflect on gratitude.
Step 4: Commit and take Action
You have accepted the past, given forgiveness, established what you want, and have expressed gratitude. What’s next? This is the hard part and it stops most people before they get started: commitment to action. There is a quote by the ancient Chinese philosopher Laozi that says, “A journey of a thousand miles starts under one’s feet.” There is also a law of physics that says a body in motion tends to stay in motion. The lesson to learn from combining those principles is that achievement of your dreams start with consistent action by YOU and this will generate the momentum that propels you forward to success.
If you are still afraid of taking action, there are few things you can try. These tips come from entrepreneur and podcaster Pat Flynn. In an article he wrote on his blog about fear, he listed three things that can help people overcome it. The first is to consider the worst case scenario. Most times this will make you realize that the thing you are most afraid of is either unlikely or not life-threatening. This year I made a substantial investment that I really hemmed and hawed over. It has great upside cash flow potential and there were certain minimum guarantees that I was given for downside protection. What’s the worst case scenario? Maybe despite my downside protection I lose it all. Maybe I’ll miss out on a different opportunity to invest elsewhere. So what? It won’t kill me and life will go on. It was a great deal and I had to finally just decide to commit. The second thing Pat wrote about in his article was “know what to expect”. Educate yourself on whatever you are challenged by and you will be stronger for the effort. Learning about the industry I was investing in and talking to friends with experience in it made me feel a lot better about committing to the deal at hand.
The last tip Pat Flynn mentioned and the last thing I’ll mention is… just do it. There is a time for contemplation and there is a time for action. Do not get stuck in “analysis paralysis” and let your fear of committing become debilitating. There is a story of disputable credibility that says that the Spanish Conquistador Hernan Cortes burned his boats when he arrived in South America with his troops. He wanted the men to know that turning around was not an option. Now that’s commitment! What boats do you need to metaphorically burn in order to achieve the future you desire?
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